Lost In Darkness
by Sierra Sutherwind
Summary: Newkirk and Hogan fall into an ambush and must take a shortcut through the forest that turns out to be the longest road. SSSWT 2019


Lost in darkness

_For BC_

_by Sierra Sutherwinds_

1.

"Come on, Newkirk, you've never been lost," Colonel Hogan turned slightly over his shoulder to look at the British corporal walking behind him.

"But yes, I have been lost, many times. The difference is that I never feel lost. See? I know that sooner or later, I'll get somewhere… like now. Take those trees, for instance," Newkirk stopped and stared at the treetops in front of them. "Blimey! Those are the same trees we saw five minutes ago. Colonel, we're walking in circles." He heaved a sigh of despair.

"Don't say it. We're not lost." Hogan stopped to gaze at the sky. "I told you to keep your eyes on the road. "We don't need to see the trees… and we're not lost."

"Yes, we are," Newkirk whispered as they began walking again.

"Don't mumble; you're still young for mumbling."

"Now you sound like my uncle Archie."

"Your uncle? You never told me about him, did you?" Hogan smiled, staring at the forest in front of them. "Father's side?"

"Hell, no… Mom's. He lived in a forest, pretty much like this. Mom used to send me to visit him every summer, when I was in school. I suppose she did it to keep me away from me father." He shrugged, but then a happy memory made him smile. "Uncle Archie took me and his sons for long walks like this. We went fishing and camping. He said that there was always a lesson to learn, even in the smallest things we do."

"I like that. Uncle Archie is a wise man."

"Was, he died when I was twelve." Newkirk frowned, wondering why he was talking about his uncle after all these years.

"You don't like to talk about your family, Newkirk?"

"Eh? Oh, I don't mind, it's family," he kept walking. "It's just that, it's a weird moment to talk about them." The forest looked like it was growing bigger, and they did not get anywhere. Newkirk sat down, reaching for his canteen. "It's useless, we'll never get out of here." He took a sip of water and shook his head. "Funny thing is that I don't even remember how we got to this place."

Hogan smiled and stood in the shade with his arms crossed over his chest. "We were chased by a patrol, so we ran." He did not take water, but kept staring at Newkirk, as though he were trying to figure something out. "You don't remember that?"

Newkirk looked down, searching for the memories of that particular incident. "They shot at us, that's why we ran." He lifted his eyes and took a deep sigh. "There are the trees again. I tell you, we haven't moved an inch."

"Newkirk, let them be, everything is going to be okay. I promise," Hogan did not lose his patience. He seemed in a good mood despite the circumstances.

"With all due respect, sir. Nothing is okay at the moment," Newkirk rubbed his arms, feeling cold all of a sudden. "What time is it? If we have to spend the night in this bloody place, we will need a shelter."

"We still have daylight. Stop worrying about the future. Why don't you enjoy this time? We are walking and talking… time has stopped for us. It's like a vacation. No missions, no barbwire, no prison." Hogan took a deep breath and turned to Newkirk. "Feel it? It's freedom. Don't tell me that you don't dream about moments like this."

The Englishman listened to him, but things did not make sense. They had been chased by the enemy and shot at; and now they were lost. There was a gap between one event and the next. "Colonel, you're delirious." He stood up and looked closely at Hogan. "Are you alright? No offense, but you're talking barmy."

Hogan smiled, lowering his eyes. "It's okay, Newkirk. I'm not wounded. Maybe you are."

"Don't throw the bloody ball back to me. You should sit down and rest. I'll build a shelter." Newkirk tried to touch him but Hogan stepped backwards. "Colonel, don't make me wrestle you down… I don't care if that's cause for a court martial." He got closer.

Hogan shook his head and turned to look at something. "Hey, look at that," he pointed at a log cabin. "You wanted some shelter, there it is. Let's go."

Newkirk stared at the place, warily. This was peculiar, but welcome. "Sir, wait, it could be occupied." Newkirk ran after Hogan, but he could not stop him from opening the cabin door. Newkirk stopped at the threshold, while Hogan was already inside. The place looked abandoned, but there were blankets and a bed. Hogan put some logs in the stove and turned to Newkirk.

"Do you have matches?"

"Do you think it's a good idea? They might see the smoke-," Newkirk felt overwhelmed. He wanted the bed and the cozy fire, but that was contrary to what he had been taught in survival tactics.

"Newkirk, stop being so negative," Hogan raised his eyebrows. "The matches, please."

The Englishman shrugged and tossed the matches in Hogan's direction. "Honestly, sir, I don't feel this is alright."

"Perhaps it's you who should lie down. You don't look so good, Newkirk."

"I'm as good as anyone would be under the circumstances." Newkirk stretched, feeling sleepy. "Perhaps we should take turns sleeping." Newkirk looked at the bed and sighed. "Last chance, gov'nor, I'm claiming the bed."

"Be my guest," Hogan stood by the window.

Newkirk sat down and looked around. "This' balmy but this place feels like home… Alright, it's a little cold and… abandoned. but it feels safe. Don't you feel safe?"

"Well, yeah, maybe…" Hogan leaned his back against the wall and nodded. "You don't feel safe?"

"Honestly? We're in the middle of a bloody war, who can feel safe here?"

"You have a point there. What are you afraid of, dying?" The colonel crossed his arms over his chest, regarding Newkirk with curiosity.

"Well, everybody is afraid of dying… if they say no, they're ruddy liars." He lay down on his back, with his arms folded under his head. "There are things worse than dying."

"Like people dying on you?"

Newkirk was a little surprised by that question. There was nothing wrong with it, only that most people did not enjoy talking about dying so openly. "Yeah… people, especially friends have the annoying habit of dying on you. Why is that, eh?"

"I don't know, Peter, we're all human, and we all die," Hogan sat on the floor, gazing at the fireplace at the other end of the room. "War is a sure way to lose people; we're not immune. How many friends have you lost in the war?"

"This topic is a little awkward, innit?" Newkirk grinned at Hogan calling him by his given name. "I don't have a list… but I know I survived most of my squad the day I was captured. I lost me best buddy the first two months at the Dulag Luft… Yes, it's easy to be afraid of losing friends."

"Is that why you took so long to accept the commission in my group?"

"Well, yes, it's been a good ride, though. Don't get me wrong. I like the rush," he smiled. "But it's hard, the missions, the waiting… I don't know, one can get ruddy crazy just from waiting."

"Because they might not come back? I know."

The Englishman nodded; even Hogan had his demons. Being the leader of their group was the hardest job. "How do you not go crazy? You always look so calm. I don't know what we would do without you."

"Go to sleep, Newkirk, you're the one talking funny now."

Newkirk closed his eyes, doing as Hogan told him. Soon, he fell asleep and his mind drifted into uneasy dreams. It felt like hours until he opened his eyes, startled by a shot that was only in his mind. Everything was dark and quiet as he looked around for Hogan. "Gov'nor? Where are you?" Newkirk got up and walked outside. He hesitated, afraid of patrols that may still be around. "Where are you, colonel?" Newkirk whispered. Perhaps he was still sleeping, perhaps he needed to wake up.

He turned to go back to the cabin, but he could not find it. Perhaps he could not see it because it was too dark, or perhaps it had never been there to begin with. Newkirk started walking, wondering what was going on. It had to be a dream. There was no other logical explanation to everything that was happening. He woke up at the sound of a shot in the dark, something he had heard before.

Where was Hogan? Had he been there at all? Now he was scared. This did not feel right. Who had been shot?

Newkirk felt cold and weak. There was something he needed to remember about the shot. He and Hogan had been there hours ago. They were running from a patrol, they had been shot at. Newkirk stopped, panting, and leaned on the nearest tree. A thought crossed his mind, the only explanation for this endless nightmare. "I knew it! I knew it all along." Newkirk gasped. "They killed him and where was I?"

"Newkirk, wake up," Hogan's voice was distant, but getting closer. "Peter, open your eyes. Wake up."

He did. It was still dark, but he knew he was not in the forest anymore. He was not in the cabin either; this place was dark and damp. Hogan was in front of him, smiling when he opened his eyes. "Colonel Hogan?" Newkirk tilted his head, squinted in disbelief. "You're dead."

2.

Hogan kept smiling, not surprised by that statement. "Am I?"

"We were running, we split… they shot you. I saw you fall" Newkirk stared at the colonel, saddened more than anything else. "You're dead."

"Newkirk, you need to put yourself together. This is not the place where you're going to die."

"Why are you still here? What place is this? One minute I was out there, walking… with you. How am I not dead? I can't see a thing… I can't even see the floor!" Newkirk hit the walls with his fists. It felt like stone, like a prison with no doors. "Am I in jail? They ruddy captured me!" He panicked.

"You're not a prisoner, but you need to get out of here."

Newkirk shook his head, refusing to talk to a ghost. He was mad at Hogan. He was mad at himself. "How? Do you know? This is not as easy as it looks." He did not even care about the irreverence in his voice. Hogan as a ghost did not impress him as much as he did when he was alive. "You're a ghost, can't you take me out of - where am I supposed to be? Is this a ruddy cave?"

"Why are you so angry?" Hogan grinned. "I am the one who died."

"Precisely! You shouldn't, you are the colonel! What are we going to do without you? I trust no one else!" Newkirk growled. "Why you?!"

"Why me and not you?" Hogan raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"No!... I mean, yes… It's not fair," Newkirk pouted slightly. "You are too important to die."

"And you're not important? Is that it? You hate yourself that much?"

Newkirk rolled his eyes, trying to put some sense in his words. "I don't hate myself… it's not about that."

"Then, what is it, Peter? What are you so mad all the time?" Hogan narrowed his eyes, as though he could compel an honest answer from Newkirk.

Newkirk shook his head and took a deep breath. "Everybody dies on me. I can't take it anymore. I don't want anyone to die. Is that too much to ask for?" He sat on the floor, contemplating his worst nightmare come true.

"Don't take it personally, Newkirk, this is not about you."

"Get out! Get out!" He snapped. "I don't need a ghost to tell me what's wrong with me. I should have been there to save you, but I saw you fall and I ran. What does that leave me? I lost you. It's all me fault!" Newkirk was walking in circles, avoiding Hogan as much as he could.

"It wasn't your fault. These things happen all the time. Peter, please, try to understand, people don't die on you, people just die."

"Go to Hell," he mumbled. "And don't call me Peter… you never called me Peter." Then he turned his back on Hogan and pretended to ignore him.

"Newkirk, one of these days, you will die too, and your friends will miss you. They won't be mad at you, they will be just really sad."

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Newkirk crossed his arms over his chest. He would never forgive himself. "People keep dying on me, I quit!" He snorted, and leaned against the wall. He was too upset to notice the bright sky and the treetops through a hole above his head. Daylight helped him see where he really was. He had been in that hole all the time, staring at the same trees.

He had fallen into a deep hole in the ground. He had probably stumbled into it while he was running from the patrol. Newkirk felt like an idiot for not seeing it till it was too late. He remembered feeling the ground disappear under his feet. Then, everything went dark. Now that he was fully awake, he needed to figure out how to get out of there.

He was not too deep in the ground, but the mouth of the hole above him was unreachable. He was not in a good position to jump, and there was no point of support. On the verge of panic, Newkirk heard steps on the surface. He was not sure if crying out for help would be wise, but under the circumstances, there were not many choices. He could keep quiet and take his chances on his own or he could start asking for help and hope for the best. He was still pondering his options when he heard someone call his name.

3.

"Newkirk!"

Colonel Hogan's unmistakable voice filled Newkirk with hope and fear. This felt like a never-ending story, coming to the same point over and over again. "Down here!" Newkirk yelled.

Hogan peeked down the opening and frowned. "There you are," he said. "Are you hurt?"

Newkirk stared at him in silence.

"Newkirk, are you hurt?" Hogan insisted. "Give me your hand, I'll pull you up."

The Englishman obeyed, still hesitant. This was not part of his dream. He was out of the dark. Hogan helped him back to his feet, and ran his eyes over him, checking for injuries. "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Newkirk stared at him intently. "Gov'nor? Is that really you? You're not dead." His heart pounded fast as he took in that little detail. "But I saw you fall, they shot you."

"No, you saw me taking a dive. I rolled over and hid in the bushes," Hogan laughed. "I'm not that easy to kill… neither are you, from what I can see."

"How long has it been?" Newkirk asked warily. This looked like the real Hogan, but he had been deceived before.

"About three hours, four maybe." Hogan put his hand on Newkirk's shoulder to look him in the eye. "Are you sure you're okay? I heard your voice. That's what brought me this way. Who were you talking to?"

"Meself? Only that it was you instead…" Newkirk shook his head and gave him a big hug. "I thought you had died… I'm so glad it was just a stupid dream." He took a step backwards and smiled. "I think I hit me head and saw things for a while. I'm okay now, just happy to see you."

"I say the same," Hogan smiled, pushing him gently. "We need to go back to the Stalag."

"Oh, yes, we need to… I dreamed I was lost, walking in circles but I never moved from this place."

Hogan took hold of Newkirk's shoulders and turned him around. In front of them, there was a secondary road. "The main road is right ahead. You were going in the right direction."

"Sooner or later, we get somewhere," Newkirk smiled.

"That's a clever way to put it." Hogan nodded and let the Englishman take the lead. "Let's go, we have lost half a day already. There's still a war we need to catch up with… so I was your unconscious in your dream? That must have been a little confusing."

"Yes, but interesting… in a respectful way. I learned a lot about me… but then again, it was me talking to meself, so I get all the credit." Newkirk walk on, happy to see that they were actually heading somewhere this time.

The End


End file.
